The First Meeting
by Madoushi-Clef
Summary: Prequel to Someone Like You on Subaru meets the young boy that will change his life and dwells on Conrad Weller. AU, yaoi, UST, angst, and general cuteness.
1. The First Meeting

The city didn't care, but then it never does. The grinding sound of life in New York City beat to the drum of inevitable desolation. Sooner or later, the City chugged along, everything will be the grime on my streets, even little boys like you.

Whiskers shivered in the shadows of the a theater on Broadway. The freezing cold made him want to run back to Harlem and hide there with Duo and Ryuen. But they knew he stayed with them, they would find him there and kill him. Maybe they would kill Duo and Ryuen too. He shivered again. The snow banks mercifully stole sound as he coughed, watching the busy, night crowd. Easy marks, most of them, with probably enough money on them to buy something warm to eat and maybe something warmer to wear. Fuck, it was cold out. He looked up as it started to snow again. He'd better hurry. The people who had places to be would soon get there.

He spotted a black-haired man looking at the sky, dazed. He looked to be alone. The mark wore a long black coat, the kind with a breast pocket that couldn't zip up. Whiskers blew on his fingers, trying to convince them to warm up enough for this. He couldn't afford to get caught shoplifting again, his left side still hurt from the last beating. The bruises had barely faded and here he was asking for more trouble. Not that the man looked very dangerous, no, he wasn't very well-built. Even covered in a coat, Whiskers could tell he never had to work like the men on the docks.

He darted out into the crowd, closing in on his mark. He had reached him just as he was turning. The collision even looked like an accident.

Whiskers fell on his right side, hiding the stolen wallet under his body.

"Oh!" The man said, shaking his head. He looked at the boy and his jaw dropped. "Are you alright?" His voice was softer than Whiskers had expected. The man stood and brushed some of the slush and snow off himself.

"Yeah…" Whiskers sat up and his left side screamed at him. Fuck, that hurts! He doubled over, forgetting about the wallet. He coughed again, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Subaru Sumeragi?" A much deeper voice called.

"Eh?" The mark turned away from Whiskers.

This is your chance, move it you idiot! He yelled at himself. It seemed to take forever to get his feet under him. The world swam before his eyes. Clutching the wallet to his chest, Whiskers ignored the two men beside him and took an unsteady step forward.

"Hey!" The deeper cried and grabbed Whiskers' wrist. "This can't be yours."

Whiskers couldn't open his eyes against the pain of standing up. He let go of the wallet without a struggle. It was all he could do to breathe. Despite the freezing wind he suddenly felt so hot and so dizzy.

"You little thief," the man sounded like he was about to hit him; Whiskers shrank away.

"Stop it!" Subaru, the mark, cried. He stepped in front of Whiskers and dropped a hand onto his shoulder.

"He stole your wallet." The other man said, voice harsh and angry.

"Look at him," Subaru's voice had gotten quieter, but held an edge of steel in it.

Whiskers had caught his breath enough to look at the two men arguing over him. Subaru glared at a taller man with shoulder-length black hair and dark eyes. He looked mean in his leather jacket and open dress shirt, like the enforcers in the gangs. Whiskers' instincts told him not to mess with that man.

Subaru had kept his hand firmly on his shoulder the entire time. He was stronger than he looked. His hold kept Whiskers steady and upright even through another coughing fit. "I'm going to get him something to eat. You can come or _not_." He did not want the other man to come, but Whiskers didn't understand why.

"Whatever." The long-haired man turned and left.

"Come," He pulled Whiskers away from the theater crowd, his voice still steel.

"No," He tried to tug himself free, "I'm fine."

"I'm not going to hurt you." He said and took Whiskers' hand. "We are going to that restaurant," he pointed across the street, "to eat."

He wanted to go with him, he seemed nice. However his head told his instincts it was a stupid idea. "I'm not hungry." He protested.

Whiskers' stomach took that moment to contradict him.

"Let me at least feed you," the man said. He didn't even bat an eye at Whiskers' lie. "You look like you need it. We can buy extra for you to take home to your family." He pulled him along and they made it into the restaurant. Subaru suggested that they wash up before they sit down.

In the restroom Whiskers got the first good look at himself in two days. Living on the street will really destroy your looks, he thought, reaching for the soap. He was covered in so much dust from the explosion that his brown hair looked grey. He rolled up his sleeves, washed his face and arms, he even tried to wash some of the grim out of his hair. He hated how he smelled if he didn't bathe at least once every two days. When he was done, he checked himself over in the mirror. He eyes looked a little too wide and he still looked half frozen, but it would have to do. He wanted to check his side, but the man was watching. He ducked into one of the stalls and locked the door. He had to go anyways. He silenced a hiss as he saw his side. The bruises hadn't faded at all! His whole side was purple, blue, with yellow and green mixed in.

I survived being nearly blown up, only to die from a beating for stealing some food, he thought wryly. He slumped against the stall's wall, dizzy a moment. He coughed again. After it passed he took care of business. The man still waited by the door, leaning against the wall patiently. Whiskers washed his hands again telling himself the he really should be searching for a way to escape. Not many good people took an interest in children.

Ordering dinner was an awkward moment. The waitress gave the man a hateful look as she handed out the menus. He sputtered, trying to explain he wasn't going to do anything illegal. Whiskers smiled behind his menu. It took explaining the whole situation to the girl to convince her not to call the cops.

He watched the man study the menu and order hot tea to drink. She looked to Whiskers.

"How about some milk to drink? And hot cocoa?" The man asked.

"Okay." He shrugged. Milk he liked, but he didn't know what hot cocoa was.

The girl left.

"What's your name?"

"What's yours?" Whiskers asked him back.

"Sumeragi." He answered. "Subaru Sumeragi." It rolled off his tongue like it didn't belong to English.

"Subaru…" He looked him up and down. Under his black coat he'd worn a black suit. His yellowish skin looked sickly with all that black and his black hair and grey eyes. He sniffed and lifted his chin.

"Whiskers." He reached across the table to shake his hand.

With a small smile, Subaru reached across the table and shook his hand. "Hello, Whiskers."

"Hiya." He sat back in his seat. Looking around the restaurant he decided it was a nice place, if a bit dim. There were lots of people crowded into the booths, families being loud, couples out on dates laughing, people having debates on who-knows-what. All of them sat like they belonged where they were, clean, well-fed, and comfortable.

"Penny for your thoughts," Subaru called his attention back to him.

Whiskers shrugged. Instead of answering him he asked, "Why are you doing this?"

"You need it," he told him honestly.

Whiskers glared at him. "I can take care a' myself."

The weight of Subaru's stare made him want to squirm. "Do your parents know you're out this late?"

He rolled his eyes, crossed his arms over his chest and said boldly, "I don't got no 'rents and I don't need 'em." He dared Subaru to challenge his words. Instead he got a look of profound sorrow that made his chest ache and his eyes water. "Don't-don't look at me like that. I'm fine. Adults suck. Duo and I take care a' ourselves."

Subaru's voice shook. "You shouldn't have to take care of yourselves…"

Whiskers turned his head, pretending that Subaru's eyes hadn't watered. The smell of freshly cooked meat caught his attention and he watched a man walk by with a steak, mouth watering. He hadn't eaten in almost two days and he was so hungry.

"Have you two decided what you want?" The waitress returned. Their drinks had been put on the table.

"That," he said, pointing to the food the other waiter had brought out.

"One steak," she smiled, "Mashed potato, baked, or fries?"

He blinked at her, confused.

"Baked, please," Subaru supplied. "Butter and sour cream on the side."

"It comes with a house salad, what kind of dressing would you like?" she asked, writing on her pad.

"How about some of each on the side to try?" suggested Subaru.

Whiskers tried to hide his surprise. He didn't know he could do that. "O-okay." He picked up the steaming cup in front of him, savoring the warmth. Then he took a sip, "Mmmmmm…" He almost drank the whole cup in one swallow.

"Careful, kid." The waitress laughed. "You'll burn your tongue."

"It's good," he told her, meaning it. He beamed up at her like she had given him liquid gold. The sweet chocolate made him warm from the inside out.

"It's just instant," she confessed, turning red.

Whiskers just looked at her, not understanding.

Subaru and the waitress shared a look. He gave her a helpless gesture and said, "Double that order, but pack the second one to go, please."

"Sure thing." She said, casting another look at Whiskers.

"To go?" He gulped, remembering the perverts in Port Authority and in the crack houses. He didn't want to go anywhere, even if Subaru seemed nice.

"For Duo," he answered like he could read his mind. "You said you took care of each other."

"Yeah," he scratched the side of his nose. "But nobody gets somethin' fer nuthin'."

"That's 'nobody gets something for nothing,'" He corrected. Subaru drew a breath and thought a minute. "Payment…" he thought a moment. "How about you give me your real name?"

Whiskers stared at him. "What?"

"What kind of name is Whiskers?" He asked, "You must have another."

His jaw dropped. _Whiskers is the only name I got_, he tried to say but it couldn't get passed the lump in his throat. After two swallows he was sure he could talk without his voice cracking. "What kind of name is Subaru?" He shot back hotly.

"Japanese," he answered. "It's our name for the Pleiades in the Taurus constellation."

Whiskers had no idea what that meant, but it sounded important. "Oh." He thought about the people who called him Whiskers and tried to remember the first one. He couldn't remember which face it had been but he remembered a hand on his head and someone telling him, "Whiskers, 'cause like on a cat, I warn the others of 5-0's and stuff." He watched Subaru's face.

"What's a five-oh?"

"You know," he pointed out the window to the cop directing traffic. "'Dem."

"Police…" He hissed and looked back at Whiskers, surprised. Subaru opened his mouth to say something, but the waitress came with their salads. "Thank you," Subaru said, bowing slightly where he sat.

The boy looked up at her for a second before repeating Subaru, "Thank you." The words felt strange on his tongue, like he'd never said them before, even though he had. The waitress just smiled back at him.

He had a fun time dipping the lettuce in the different bowls of colored dressing. The white one with stuff in it, called blue cheese, tasted horrible, but the ranch and French weren't too bad, so long as he didn't mix them together. Even the radishes weren't so bad after he drenched them in ranch.

Subaru almost laughed, being treated to the sight of Whiskers enjoying his salad so much he ended up covered in dressing. He stopped the waitress as she walked by, "I think we're going to need more napkins." She left laughing.

Whiskers grinned at him. This was fun. Duo was wrong, vegetables weren't that bad. They crunched when you ate them!

Reaching across the table, Subaru wiped his face with a napkin, much like Mrs. Maxwell did when she was feeling better. He took a clean napkin and wiped his hands. "You might want to try a fork."

Forks and knives were cumbersome since they had not been made for his little hands and he had bad leverage. "Okay…" He replied sullenly, more unhappy because Subaru had stopped touching him than needing to behave. He liked the soft touch of his hands, it let him know he wasn't imagining his good luck. He was warm for the first time in days. He barely could keep his eyes open, but dinner came. He perked up and, with utensils, ate most of his meal before he got too full to finish. There was only a little bit of his potato left. He liked the butter better than the sour cream. It tasted like it had gone bad and it couldn't be good for you if it had, he reasoned. Right? Still, it was a shame to leave anything uneaten, since he might not get to eat again for a while. He was still staring at the last piece of potato on his plate when Subaru's hand snatched it way and ate it. "Hey!" he cried, indignant.

"Payment." He popped the last piece in his mouth.

"Oh." He sat back, feeling too full, warm, and content to want to move. His eyes drooped.

No!

He forced himself to keep awake. He had to find someplace warm to sleep tonight. Maybe Cherish or Sugar would let him stay at their places' tonight. He hadn't seen either girl for a while.

"Come with me," Subaru stood next to him, one hand out.

"Wh-where're you gonna take me?" He shrank further into the bench.

"To Duo," he looked at him, towering over the cowering boy. "I am not going to hurt you." He sat next to him.

He looked up, then sat up. "You stopped the other guy…" Whiskers tugged on the sleeve of his coat. "About your wallet…" He squeezed his eyes shut, "I'm sorry."

"You need it more than I do." The man placed the wallet on the table.

Whiskers stared at it. This guy didn't make any sense. He felt okay, but his head told him it must be a trick. What did Duo and Ryuen always tell him? Don't over think, if you have to ask if it's a trap it probably is. Besides, "I can't go see Duo."

"Why not?" He sounded genuinely concerned.

"Cause the bad men might be there."

"The ones that hurt your side?"

Whiskers shook his head. "No, worse. If they think I been there, they might kill Duo. I can't do that." Not after how much he and his brother and mom took care of me.

Subaru looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he stood and held out his hand. "You need some place safe and warm to stay tonight. I'll find you one. Will Duo be alright for tonight? It's dangerously cold out."

"He lives with his brother and mom." Whiskers answered, taking hold of his hand. They walked halfway to the door before he remembered the wallet. "Wait." He dashed back and grabbed it. "Here." He held it out to the man.

There was a moment where all Subaru did was look at Whiskers. The little boy kept the wallet out, face slowly turning increasingly red as the seconds passed. The man slowly took the black billfold from him, keeping his eyes wide, trying not to let the tears fall.

The waitress waved at them as they left, shooting Subaru a meaningful look.

Outside, the man hailed a cab. He rattled off an address Whiskers didn't know, but then he couldn't read; he didn't know any addresses. He found things by sight.

Being inside a cab was new for Whiskers. It went really fast at times and stopped abruptly; other times it went slow and stopped abruptly. They passed several streetwalkers, Whiskers waved at them as they rode by. The radio played rap music in Spanish. He could pick out a word or two, mostly the curse words he heard a lot in Spanish Harlem. They arrived at a white stone sky scraper. It wasn't a short sky scraper like some of them could be, but it wasn't like the Twin Towers or the Chrysler building.

Subaru paid the cabbie before letting Whiskers out. He unlocked the door to the building by running a card through a machine. He ushered the boy in, trying to balance the doggie bag at the same time.

The main lobby had been painted pure white. The floors were white marble with several wet, red area rugs between the front door and the stairs and elevator. The stairs ran up the middle of the building, wrapping around the elevator. To his left a desk had been built into an alcove. A brown-haired man in a gray suit stood talking with the older man who sat behind the desk. The older man looked about fifty-ish, black hair, black mustache and beard and a large, solid body. The younger of the two turned when the door opened. His brown eyes lit up when he saw Subaru walking through the door, then they fell on the little boy with him. His face went from happy to curious.

"Evening, Subaru-san," his voice rolled out deep and rich. "I thought you had a blind-date tonight." Whiskers watched his eyes linger a bit on Subaru's mouth like sometimes Gojyo's would on Mrs. Maxwell's lips.

"Hello, Conrad-san," he nodded to the other man with a half-bow, a slight bend at the waist. "I did." Subaru rubbed his hand over his face, in a frustrated voice he sheepishly admitted, "But he was a jerk."

Conrad seemed pleased with that for a moment but the look was gone so quickly Whiskers couldn't be sure of what he saw. "This one's a little young to have been 'the jerk.'" He motioned to the boy. "What's your name?"

"Whiskers." He held out his hand.

Conrad laughed. It was a light and happy, a stark contrast to Subaru's silent, empty personality. He shook Whiskers' hand, smiling. "Well, how do you do? Conrad Weller."

He looked up at Conrad, totally confused. "How do I do what?"

Conrad looked at Subaru the way the waitress had.

"You see?" The Japanese man gestured to Whiskers. "I couldn't let him stay out in the cold."

"I do see. Let me walk you to your apartment. You can tell me how you came to …bring home this stray cat." He smiled again, but managed not to laugh.

Whiskers turned pink.

"Good night, Sigu." Conrad called to the man behind the desk.

Subaru nodded to him. "Mr. Curtis."

The three took the elevator up. Subaru related succinctly the story behind their meeting, making Whiskers turn even more red at Conrad's laughter. "So you take him home?"

"I couldn't leave him on the street," Subaru protested, opening the door. He ushered Whiskers inside, his attention on Conrad. "He would freeze to death."

The door opened to the kitchen and dining room. As one open space, it had a small, black iron table with a glass top and two black iron chairs that matched. The kitchen's white linoleum floors matched the white walls, all the appliances, which were black, looked like holes in the décor more than pieces of furniture. One large black hole for the refrigerator, another for the stove and microwave, smaller black holes for the toaster and coffeemaker.

The pale wood floors in the living room were as barren as the walls. Subaru had no rugs nor pictures. On the wall furthest from the front door were four large windows. In the middle of the living room sat the black, leather couch, it came with a matching black leather recliner. A lamp stood on the right of the couch, between it and the chair. The lamp had several heads, like a fan of lights spreading over one corner of the couch and the chair. A glass and black iron coffee table stood in front of them with nothing on it, not even dust. The wall opposite the couch had a medium sized television sitting on another black iron table, only there was no glass top. The doors beneath the television were glass, behind those doors rested the VCR and DVD player, and one remote control. Behind the couch stood a long, dark wood sideboard next to a closed door that probably lead to the bedroom. The sideboard also had nothing on top of it. Whiskers wasn't sure he liked what he saw. Mrs. Maxwell liked colors and flowers, living things. Nothing in Subaru's apartment was alive.

Conrad took off his coat and laid it over one kitchen chair.

"Was there something you needed, Conrad-san?" Subaru hung his coat on the hook by the door. He dropped the contents of his pockets on the kitchen table. A pack of cigarettes, a lighter, a large bundle of keys, a folding cell phone, and his wallet, that pile made the only mess in the apartment.

"I was going to cheer you up since your blind date went so badly," he sounded like he had changed his mind. "However, you have a guest."

Whiskers grabbed onto the counter having a coughing fit. He wanted to leave. Obviously Conrad wanted to be alone with Subaru, he liked him. There were people in the apartment where Duo lived that were like that. Some of them were okay, but some of them were dangerous. "I-I don't have to stay." He backed up, almost tripping over his own two feet.

"You need some place safe to stay; I will protect you." Subaru shook his head. "May I see your side?"

"I'm fine." He lied, "It doesn't hurt."

Subaru simply looked at him. Whiskers shrank back. "Then take a bath, I'll get you something clean to wear." He went through the only other door in the apartment.

Whiskers was suddenly afraid to follow him. Having one small knife might not amount to much defense with two men here. Neither seemed interested in molesting him. The hell with it, he decided. He'd find out what his payment would be afterwards. He followed Subaru into the bedroom to find no one there. The white walls continued, even the blankets were white. The bed had been tucked into the corner farthest from the door, another long wall of windows to his left. The bedroom furniture was pale and washed-out wood. The dresser had one large mirror above it, across from the bed. The lamp by the bed was more black metal and on. Its harsh light reflected off all the whites in the room.

There was one interesting deviation from the emptiness of the apartment. At the base of the bed was a little table with a small bowl of white flowers, a candle, a picture of a smiling girl that looked an awful lot like Subaru, and other things Whiskers did not know the name of. Completely new to him were the black woodblock with something drawn on it and the stick in a little brass holder. Slightly above the picture was a statue of a solemn-looking fat man. Next to him was the strangest worm he'd ever seen. It swam through clouds and had eyes and feet and really big teeth; it even had a mustache!

But there was no Subaru.

"S-Subaru…?" Whiskers called tentatively.

"Yes?" He came out from behind a corner opposite the bed, with a pile of clothing in one hand. He hadn't even seen the corner on the right, all the white gave the illusion of nothing there.

"Did you just move in here?" He marveled at how clean the place looked, but except for the one little table the place was so empty. He didn't even have an alarm clock, just a light.

"No." Subaru frowned at him.

"You've been here for two years, right?" Conrad leaned against the doorframe, smiling.

"Yes."

Two years? "There's nothing here…" Whiskers turned to look behind him.

Conrad coughed, covering another laugh, Whiskers was sure.

Subaru said nothing, but it didn't seem in his personality to say much at all. He motioned for Whiskers to follow him. Around the corner Subaru had appeared from were two doors. Right in front of him was the closet, the open door showed neatly hung and folded clothes mostly black and white. The right door opened to the bathroom. More white on white with metal, this time shiny chrome instead of black. Even the towels were white. Whiskers looked forlornly at Subaru. "Don'tcha like color?"

Subaru jerked away from the faucet he had been turning on. He wouldn't look at Whiskers.

The boy gave in to the urge and hugged him. He didn't care if he got Subaru dirty or if he would hit him for touching him back; he just had to hug him, or he'd cry. And boys don't cry, so everyone told him.

After a stiff, uncomfortable moment, Subaru patted Whiskers on the back. "You need to get clean." He whispered.

"I'm sorry," the boy replied. "I got you dirty… Mrs. Maxwell always yells at me fo' dat."

"For that, not 'fo' dat'," Subaru corrected. "It's ok. Leave your clothing there," he pointed to the corner by the washing machine. "I'll clean them when you're done with your bath."

"Okay. But," he started.

"Worry about paying me back tomorrow." He patted the boy on the head and left.

Whiskers tried not to use up a lot of hot water. He scrubbed the white soap all over and in his hair. He wondered about the bottles for a second. Opening one he smelled something sweet and spicy. Mrs. Maxwell might like that, or something like it. He squeezed some out into the water. He tried not to make a lot of noise, no body like it when he was loud. So, he quietly laughed and sloshed the soapy water instead of splashing like he would if Duo or Ryuen was with him. He missed Duo. But Duo wouldn't like him anymore. He killed all those people, like the enforcers. He didn't like it at all, being an enforcer. Being a runner and look out was hard enough. Now the 5-0's would really be after him. He stared sadly at the murky bathwater.

What do I do now?

That was the problem. He didn't have anyone to ask, except Subaru… who knows what he'd think. Ryuen… and Duo… Duo knew everything, or someone that knew what to do. But… he was in Harlem.

So back to the problem at hand. What do I do?

Hide? Maybe… Go talk to Reno? He was the enforcer for the people he usually ran for. Knives was Reno's boss. Knives had given him the bomb. Maybe Reno knew what to do about it. He'd killed lots of people before. So long as Reno wasn't told to kill him… Whiskers chewed his bottom lip. Bad idea, he discarded the thought. Just leave it alone. The whole thing. Just leave it alone.

He rinsed and dried himself quickly before anyone could come in and tell him he'd taken too long. He looked at the pile of clothes Subaru had left him. Subaru was so tall… skinny, but tall. He put on the white tee-shirt; it came down to his knees. The boxers looked too small for Subaru to wear, but clean. More white… Whiskers frowned. The boxer shorts were a little big, but he didn't want to walk out there half-dressed. There was another pair of shorts, a light brown pair, under the underwear. He really needed a belt. Still, more clothing was better than less. He put that on along with a pair of white socks. At the bottom of the pile was a light gray hooded sweatshirt. Whiskers smiled. It had something on the front of it, but he didn't recognize the design.

He put that on with a smile. It hung to his knees, like the shirt, and the sleeves dangled way past his hands, but he could curl up in the warmth within it. He loved hooded sweatshirts. He tried to avoid the gang colors but no one would see him in this one. Most likely, he thought, hugging himself. You can do this. He lifted his chin. He put his knife in the front pocket of the hoodie and marched out of the bathroom.

The bedroom was empty. He followed the sound of movement. Conrad sat at the table, Subaru was setting down a steaming cup in front of him.

"That was fast." Conrad said, taking a sip of his cup.

"Would you like some tea, Whiskers?" Subaru asked.

"S-sure." He didn't sound sure, but he sat at the table anyway. Subaru placed a steaming mug of green liquid in front of him. He took a small sip. Tea wasn't sweet like cocoa, but it wasn't bitter like coffee, and it had a tang to it, like a pear or an apple, but it wasn't quite the same. His eyes drooped. When he opened them again the coffee table and television were in front of him.

Huh?

He sat up, the white comforter falling off him. The room wasn't light but it wasn't dark, an in between twilight, a false darkness. Sunlight poured through the cracks of the blinds. What time was it? What had woken him?

"It's been over a day…" Subaru's muffled voice came from behind the bedroom door.

"He probably needs it." said Conrad.

Whiskers coughed. Pain shot through his side. His side wasn't the only thing hurting. He rubbed his throat, but the itch was inside in the back. Add to that, his right shoulder and armpit hurt. A dull ache in his shoulder blades matched the pain in his forearms. More bruises, he thought sourly. The boy stood only a second before needing to sit back down, too dizzy to keep upright.

"But," Subaru started.

Conrad cut him off. "If he doesn't wake in the next few hours we'll wake him."

After the dizziness passed he rose and knocked softly on the door. Subaru opened it quickly. "Um…" Whiskers pulled at his sleeve.

Subaru dropped to one knee in front of him. "How do you feel?"

Not good. Whiskers reddened. "I hafta…" He gestured to the wall bordering the bathroom.

"Ah." Subaru moved out of his way and let him pass.

Whiskers hurried into the bathroom. After he washed his hands he scrubbed his face clean. When he came out he found Conrad leaning against the kitchen counter with a steaming cup in his hands. Subaru had put another cup on the table and was cooking something on the stove that smelled very good. He walked over to Subaru and tried to see what he was cooking.

Sausages, he smiled. And eggs, he noted the bowl of yellow liquid. There was a white, round machine on the counter next to the sink in a corner that steamed from a small vent in the top. He wondered if it was a new kind of tea pot, but it looked too big for that.

When he turned around Conrad sat at the table. He winked at Whiskers and pushed the other chair out for him with his foot. Whiskers crawled into the offered chair. The man leaned over and whispered rather loudly, "He might not look like it, but Subaru-san is a really good cook."

"What do good cooks normally look like?" He whispered back.

Conrad smiled and rubbed the boy's head affectionately.

The white round machine held rice. Subaru scooped out a large helping. When he placed the full plate of food in front of Whiskers he gave Conrad a sour look.

"Ain'tcha gonna eat?" He looked doubtfully between the food and the two men.

"Aren't you going to eat," Subaru corrected. "I already had lunch. Conrad-san?"

"I'm…" He saw the worry on Whiskers' face and finished, "partial to the thought, if you have any left over from your guest."

"I dunno if I can eat all a' this." The boy pushed the plate towards Conrad.

He looked at Subaru who got him a fork. He snatched a sausage and Whiskers followed his lead. It didn't take Conrad long to taper off and let Whiskers to finish the meal by himself. The boy cleaned the plate and Conrad cleaned the dishes, despite Subaru's objections.

It took a bit of convincing to get Whiskers in the car to go to the doctor's office. He'd never been before and the only time he'd heard of going to the doctor's or the hospital was when someone died. Subaru's doctor, another Asian man named Juan Myo, worked in a large office building, not a hospital. He stood half a foot taller than Subaru, with short brown hair. It took some more convincing to let Whiskers examine him, but eventually the youth sat on the table. Dr. Myo listened to him breath and cough. He checked his eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. Fingering the boy's neck and shoulders he frowned. "Take off your shirt, please."

Whiskers hesitated.

"It's alright," Dr. Myo said. "No one is going to hurt you." He looked pointedly at Subaru who only shrugged back. Conrad shook his head. Whiskers wondered what all the silent communication was about but he figured he probably didn't want to know.

The doctor kept a neutral face when he saw the boy's side, but Subaru hissed one sharp intake of breath. The colors had gotten darker and the bruises had grown. He could even see bruises on his shoulder and forearms. Those weren't there last night.

"I want to take some x-rays of this," Dr. Myo told Whiskers.

"What're those?"

"Pictures, only of what's inside," he explain.

His eyes lit up. "Cool!" Then a thought occurred to him. How do they get the camera inside? "Does it hurt?"

"Not a bit." The man smiled reassuringly at Whiskers. "I just need you to change into this," he went to a grey cabinet and pulled out a blue cloth. "I know it'll be a bit cold, but you'll be back in your own clothes before you know it." He shook the gown out and held it out for Whiskers to step into.

Looking at it dubiously, he objected, "It doesn't close in the back."

"I'll lend you my coat," Conrad interjected, smiling again.

Arms through the holes, he stepped into the gown and looked up at the doctor.

There was an awkward moment where all three men realized Whiskers didn't know how to tie the gown. Subaru got to the boy a second before Conrad. With the coat wrapped around him, all four walked to the x-ray room.

The doctor gave quick instructions to the technician and left to take care of something. The woman technician smiled and helped Whiskers onto the table. She handed Conrad his coat. "I'm afraid you two can't be in here for this." She made them wait outside.

She flipped her bright blond hair over her shoulder. Smiling beautifully she asked him casual questions. "What's your name?"

"Whiskers," he answered and he extended his hand to her. "What's yours?"

"Julia." She laughed and adjusted the large machine hanging over him. "And how old are you?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. Why?"

She looked at him a second, "You don't know? Didn't your parents teach you your birthday?"

"I don't have parents." Whiskers felt very small lying on the table with nothing but that blue, cotton gown on. He didn't like having to say that lying down, it made him feel weak. I am not going to cry, I am not going to cry, he told himself.

Julia sat down and took his hand. She opened her mouth to say something, but instead swept him up in a hug.

Whiskers melted into her arms. She smelled sweet and clean, and she was so warm. She was also shaking, faintly, but shaking just a bit. "It's okay…" He told her. "I-I don't want 'em. All they do is yell."

"It's not okay." She sniffed and cleared her throat. "You should have a family."

He pulled away, keeping his face down. "No one is gonna want me." He curled up into a ball and shivered.

"I would take you home. Mr. Sumeragi and Mr. Weller want you." She pulled him against her.

He let her think what she wanted. He was a bad boy and no one would want him for anything anymore. But he said nothing, he just enjoyed being held until she decided to get back to business.

Julia went behind a glass paneled wall to do something on a computer. When she came back out she had him lay down flat and not move. She adjusted the huge hanging machine and went back behind the glass wall. The x-ray machine made several noises and rotated around him. She kept adjusting it and disappearing behind the glass wall. He wondered how this would take pictures of inside his body, but there had to be something special about the camera. It was huge!

After a couple of passes she announced that he was done. Julia let the other two back in with a look much like the one the waitress had given Subaru, only she gave it to both of them, twice as strong.

Conrad turned slightly red, shook his head, and told her, "We are taking him out of a bad situation."

Subaru raised his eyebrows at the 'we' but said nothing. He draped his long coat over Whiskers' shoulders and with one hand on the boy's shoulder escorted him back to the examining room. "How about after this, when we get home, I'll teach you how to tie your shoes?"

Whiskers shifted his weight, not looking at Subaru. "Is it okay? Cause… Conrad likes you n' I'd just be in the way…"

For a long moment Subaru didn't answer, he finally settled on, "You won't be in the way." He waited outside while Whiskers changed.

After a while the doctor came in, Subaru and Conrad following him. Subaru leaned next to where Whiskers sat on the examination bed. Conrad sat in the chair, looking unhappy. Dr. Myo looked the least happy of the three, scribbling furiously on his clipboard. Whiskers shrank in on himself during that oppressive silence.

"Why don't you tell me how this happened?" Dr. Myo finally looked at Whiskers.

"How what happened?" He started to panic.

"You took quite a beating. Your side… Your collar bone healed, but that's an old wound. Your scapula—um—shoulder blades—are bruised. The muscles around your right shoulder blade are torn. Your forearm bones, the ulna _and_ the radius, have hairline fractures and bruises as well." He frowned at the boy. "Who hit you?"

Whiskers rubbed his left collar bone. He'd forgotten all about how much that had hurt… How long ago had that been? A long while.

"Does it still hurt?" Subaru asked.

"No. It stopped hurting a while ago. I'd forgotten about it." He smiled ruefully. "It was during summer. Duo had ta' steal lots a ice, but Mrs. Maxwell made him stop 'cause it'd melt 'n there were all these puddles..." He nodded. That summer had sucked. It had been so hot inside, but his arm and shoulder would hurt if he stood up for too long.

"But how did it get broken?" The doctor asked.

"My package was late." He shrugged. "Or light. Or something." He shook his head. "I don't remember. It was a while ago."

Conrad raised his eyebrows and exchanged looks with Subaru. "And your side?"

Whiskers chewed his lower lip. "My fault." He pulled at his sleeve. "I got careless. I wasn't payin' attention." It was awfully warm in the doctor's office.

"Careless with what?" Dr. Myo asked. "Did you find yourself in the wrong territory?"

The boy shook his head. "No. I…" He glanced at Subaru. "Got caught boostin' some apples and bread." How dumb is that, Whiskers thought, I can't even sneak past a store clerk.

"Alright." The doctor sighed. "I want to order a blood test. You lungs sounded infected. I want to be sure before I prescribe you anti-biotics. I'm going to prescribe some calcium pills to help with your bone density and a multi-vitamin. You are malnourished; vitamins should help but they are no substitute for food." He gave Subaru a meaningful look. "I want you to come back next week for a check-up. If everything seems to be going well, then come back in a month. I also want to schedule an appointment to give you immunization shots."

Whiskers blinked at him, not understanding what he was talking about. Subaru and Conrad looked worried. He chewed his bottom lip.

The doctor made him breathe in and out again. He nodded and wrote some more on his clipboard. He ripped off three sheets of paper and handed them to Subaru. He said something Whiskers couldn't understand, it wasn't any kind of English he'd ever heard. Some if it sounded like Spanish, but it couldn't have been. Subaru answered him in the same rhythmic language, but he wasn't happy about something.

The doctor nodded and said, "The lab tech will be in to take his blood shortly. Excuse me."

Within a few minutes another blond woman came in, smiling. "Whiskers?" She looked at the boy.

He nodded.

"I'm Sally. This is your first time for a blood test, huh?" She pulled on a pair of gloves.

"Yeah."

"Ok, this is how it's going to work." She placed several plastic-wrapped things on a small rolling table. "I need you to lay down and keep your arm straight. You're going to feel a little prick and pinch when I put the needle in-"

Whiskers' eyes widened. He scuttled away from her, shaking his head back and forth. "No. No needles."

"It's just for a second, honey," Sally said.

"No." His voice came out strong and firm. "I don't wanna get sick. I'm not a junkie. No needles. I don't want any stuff!" He held onto Subaru, shaking his head again.

Subaru wrapped his arms around the rigid little boy holding onto him. "Shh…" He rubbed circles on Whiskers' back. "She's not going to give you anything. It's not going to make you sick. It's to see how sick you already are."

Whiskers didn't believe him. "Needles always have stuff in them, unless they already been used."

"It's not that kind of needle." Conrad had moved to stand at Subaru's back. He said to the nurse, "Why don't you draw some from me? That should show him it's not what he thinks it is."

She hesitated a moment then nodded. "I'll need the log the lost equipment, but ok." She opened one package and pulled out a cloth. She wiped down Conrad's arm. "You'll need to lie down. There's no support here."

Whiskers climbed down only to end up sitting in Subaru's lap. Dizzy again, he clutched at the arms around him.

"You alright?" Subaru's voice was in his ear.

Whiskers could only groan until the world stopped moving on its own. "Okay. Funny, but okay."

"What do you mean, funny?" Conrad's feet dangled off the end of the bed.

"Everything goes weird n' fuzzy n' crooked." Whiskers rested against Subaru's chest. "And really hot."

"Why don't we tell the doctor that when he comes back in?" asked Subaru.

Whiskers nodded, going through another coughing fit.

Sally looked back and forth between the two men before she continued. Opening more packages she laid them out on the little metal table. Quickly putting something together the nurse went searching for a rubber strip which she tied Conrad's arm. She warned him, "Ok, you'll feel a little pinch now." She stuck the needle in him and slid a test tube into the blue catch. It filled quickly with blood. She took it out of the catch. Then with gauze over the needle, she pulled it out. She whipped the rubber strip off his arm. "Just keep pressure on this…" She dug through the carrying case to find a white roll. She pulled off a strip and taped the gauze down. "All done." She smiled and turned to Whiskers.

"That was it?"

"That was it." She nodded.

"No injections." Conrad sat up. He kept one hand clasped over the bandage.

He took a deep breath and coughed so hard he nearly fell. "Ok."

Subaru lifted him up and put him on the bed.

Whiskers gaped at him. "Wow."

He winked at the boy. "I'm stronger than I look." He let Conrad have the chair.

She repeated the same process on Whiskers, cleaning his arm, opening all new packages, and filling one vial of blood. When she was done, however, she gave him a choice of Scooby Doo band-aids.

The doctor came back in as she was cleaning up. "The lab results should take about forty-five minutes."

Subaru sat on the examination table with Whiskers, scratching lazy circles on the boy's back. Eventually he put his head down in his lap and drifted off to sleep. He couldn't help the small smile forming on his lips when he looked down at the boy. Such a small, feral thing, he thought, but so cute everyone wants to take him home. Dr. Myo is right, he'll need a lot of work and help. Keeping him cannot be temporary, he needs a real home. I will make him my life in America. Perhaps this is what Grandmother intended by sending me here, to find a new life here… where Destiny barely exists. He's certainly colorful, Subaru leaned down to kiss Whiskers' temple. With terrible grammar, he thought.

He can't be more than seven. My God, what a commitment. I'm only twenty-five. A single parent?

He glanced at Conrad. Or maybe not. He flushed.

What a mess! I should have never mentioned …S-Seishiro to Sara. His secretary had made it her mission to get him out. Apparently this meant dating, as she came in the next day declaring a blind date between him and her friend, Kiira. She hadn't understood. I do not want another… anyone like _him_. He didn't even know if he was interested in dating anymore; he knew he wasn't ready. Not even one whole date and even Conrad thought he was ready to jump into a relationship.

Adopting a homeless orphan notwithstanding. But that was different. Something had snapped into place when the boy had first touched him. The stars had been singing something to him, but the city had drowned out what they were saying. Something important was about to happen, and now the stars were quiet. Could Whiskers have been what they meant?

This was too much to think about right now. One thing he did know, taking in Whiskers was not an answer to his depression nor would the boy be treated like one.

The door opened and Dr. Myo came back with the laboratory results.

He wrote out another small sheet and handed that to Subaru. "Make sure he eats regularly, keeps warm, dry, and watered. Tea, juice, or those neon sports drinks. No soda. Milk if he likes it, it should be good for his bones. And he's going to need lots of bed rest. If you can't have him watched all the time, check him into the hospital. I'd like to see him well."

"I will keep him safe," he spoke softly so as not to wake his child. Thirty six hours and Whiskers was his already.

"The instructions will be on the medicine bottles, but dose him evenly with the anti-biotics and calcium pills."

"He had a dizzy spell while the nurse was here."

Dr. Myo nodded. "Probably a side effect of his fever and the pneumonia."

"And the over-sleeping?" He wrapped his arms around Whiskers. "He was out for over thirty hours and now he's asleep again."

"His body probably needs the rest, don't worry." He looked at the print out. "He's a mess, Sumeragi-san. He's almost anemic, his white blood cell count is low. Fortunately he has no lice or skin diseases and his eyesight seems to be twenty-twenty. I'm not a psychologist, but I think it is a good sign that he feels safe enough to sleep that much around you." He went quiet a moment. "I heard from the Nurse Po what had happened."

They shared a quiet moment of understanding. How can he know about needle injected drugs and not know how to tie a hospital gown? It will be difficult to get him to take his medicine. Whiskers was suspicious enough about drugs, what would he say to pills? The boy had looked too fierce and determined to not have any drugs.

Another problem for tomorrow, Subaru sighed.

"The prescriptions are your name," Dr. Myo informed him.

Taking that as his dismissal he picked Whiskers up. "Thank you." He said. He carried the boy through the lobby and to the car. "I'm sorry, Conrad-san, could you drive?"

"Of course," he smiled and took the keys from Subaru. "I'll stop by the pharmacy first and by the time we get him home it should be ready."

"That's the second time you've said we." Subaru laid the sleeping boy down on the back seat. He took off his coat and draped it over him. He shut the back door and sat in the passenger seat.

"Wishful thinking on my part." Conrad backed out of the parking space and eased into traffic.

The ride back to their apartment building went by in silence. Conrad concentrated on driving while Subaru studied him and wondered. Conrad… If Conrad is who he seems to be, then, yes, I enjoy his company, but… to date… I can't— I don't—

He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut. Breathe, he told himself and started the very first meditative exercise his grandmother had taught him. _Just be_, she had said, _and breathe_. He turned straight forward in his seat and concentrated on breathing. Definitely not ready.

Conrad is not _him_.

Conrad did not just smile, he laughed. Conrad _was_ kind. Conrad was patient, he never pushed …much. He encouraged him to pursue his dream of being a zookeeper. He helped secure people's homes. He covered for Mr. Curtis when he needed to take Mrs. Curtis to the doctor's. Conrad took half a day off from work to help him with Whiskers. Conrad had spent the last year and a half befriending him. After a year and a half he still was the same person… Perhaps… Perhaps… the darkness he could sense in Conrad was not so dark as… _his_. Perhaps he could …believe in him.

All because a little boy told him Conrad like him it was now a possibility. Had I just been blind? Subaru wondered. I don't think I wanted to notice. Dr. Ishida, before I do anything else drastic I need to talk to her. His therapist would have a clear head.

At the apartment Conrad almost offered to carry the boy for him but one scornful look kept him quiet. Subaru laid Whiskers in the middle of his bed. The huge bed seemed to swallow him; curled up into a little ball, he barely took up any room. Smoothing back the soft brown hair with a small smile he said, "Someone needs to stay with him."

"You stay; I'll pick up the medicine." Conrad stood a breath's distance behind Subaru, his voice barely above a whisper. "And some things for him to do."

"Here, I…" Subaru started, reaching for his wallet.

"I got it." Conrad stopped him. He shifted his weight which Subaru knew was a nervous gesture for him. He didn't want to say what he was about to say. "He needs a home, Subaru."

Subaru. No honorable suffix. His heart started to beat faster. What is wrong with me? "I know…" he started again.

Conrad cut him off again. "You can give it to him. Or I can give it to him." Brown eyes met grey. "Or we could give it to him." He put a hand across Subaru's mouth. "You don't have to answer me now. I know it's a lot to digest in a short span of time, but… think about it." Then before Subaru could respond Conrad was almost out the door.

"Wait!" He called, coming out of the bedroom with a plastic card in hand. "You will need my prescription card." His cheeks flushed.

"Eh-_aa_…" He took the card, fingers brushing along Subaru's.

That faint blush spread through his face.

"_Ja_." Conrad left smiling to himself.

Subaru closed the door without locking it. He picked up the comforter folded on the couch and brought it in with him to the bedroom. He wrapped himself and Whiskers in the blanket. He studied the sleeping boy's face. "I should give you a real name…" Even though Whiskers did fit him. "How about _Hige_?" He whispered, tucking a piece of curly brown hair behind one ear.

The little boy snuggled towards the warmth.


	2. Shopping

**Shopping**

by Master Clef

Finished: May 30, 2006

Shopping

Three bags full of children's toys sat on the coffee table. Conrad had come back with so much stuff Subaru couldn't help but worry he'd spent too much money. Coloring books, crayons, toy cars and trucks, several children's movies, a pad of drawing paper, and watercolor paints should keep Hige busy for the day while he shopped for clothing. He hoped.

At the table Conrad kept the boy upright while Hige ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup. Yet again Conrad had taken the day off to help him. He'd said nothing about what he'd confessed last night. He just smiled softly and started cooking soup for Hige's breakfast. Conrad had even convinced the boy to take his pills without much of an argument. He'd bled for Hige, apparently that made his word trustable.

Hige fit comfortably in Conrad's lap. Slurping his soup loudly, even sick, he looked the very image of contentment. Occasionally he would turn his little face up towards Conrad's with a big smile. He would receive a small echo in return, then he would return to slurping his soup and making a mess. He did not understand table manners, but he looked so cute covered in salad dressing and now in soup, neither had the heart to scold the boy.

Subaru's watch beeped. Ten o'clock. He rose and walked into the kitchen. Hige's wide golden brown eyes locked on him immediately. "I'm going out for a few hours; Conrad-san will watch you, Hige-kun."

The boy blushed. Subaru had given him his new name when he'd woke that morning. He had objected, liking his street name, but once Subaru had explained it had the same meaning, he'd taken to it. He'd been fascinated with what things were called in Japanese since. "Subaru-s-san?" He coughed. "Just one question, before you go?"

"What is it?" Subaru slipped on his coat.

"What's Conrad's name in Japanese?"

He blinked at the boy a moment. "Does your name have a meaning, Conrad-san?"

"Wise counselor," he answered without missing a beat.

Subaru mulled the possibilities over, most names were made up of two kanji characters, it would be difficult to get the exact meaning, but the thought could be eluded to. The most direct translations he could think of were Seitetsu and Kenja. Seitetsu… Seitetsu sounded too wrong. "Kenja." He nodded. "Kenja, would be… best, I think."

Hige smiled. "Kenja." He giggled. "Sounds funny."

"Does it?" Conrad patted the boy's head. "I rather like it… It has nice kanji."

"Shall I call you Kenja, then?" Subaru teased before he realized the words had left his mouth.

Conrad laughed; that soft sound filled the apartment. "I don't think I would remember to answer to it." He winked at Subaru from where Hige couldn't see. "Go to your appointment; I'll hold down the fort."

Nodding, Subaru put a hand on Hige's head. Staring into Conrad's brown eyes he said, "I should be back in a few hours."

"Take care." Conrad said too seriously.

"See ya'!" Hige beamed and hugged him.

Subaru left with a small smile on his lips that stayed with him to Dr. Hikari Ishida's office. Her office building stood in the center of Hamilton Heights. Her office was in the middle, on the fourth floor, down the right hallway. Cool creams and bright lighting greeted his entrance to the psychologists' office. Dr. Ishida worked in a group of eight other psychologists and psychiatrists specializing in depression. The doctor herself was a Japanese woman with light brown, almost blond hair. She dressed in a lot of pink, but it suited her personality better than darker colors.

"Good morning," She greeted him in Japanese. They had discovered it was more difficult for Subaru to express what he felt in English so they normally spoke in their native tongue. She waited patiently for him to acknowledge her.

Subaru bowed almost immediately. "Hello, Dr. Ishida. How are you?"

"Well, thank you for asking." She bowed in return. "Sumeragi-san, you look well today. Please." She gestured to her open office door, "Won't you share some tea with me?"

"Please do not trouble yourself for me."

Smiling broadly Dr. Ishida answered, "You are never any trouble to me."

Her office was not spacious but somehow managed to feel large. To the right of the door, in the corner was her desk, papers and schedule strewn across it. She had turned that corner into a nook, the back of her sofa had been butted up against the side of her desk. Kitty-corner to the couch was the chair. She used that for most of her clients. Along the right wall, in the corner furthest from the door she had placed her black-lacquered Japanese table, a cushion for two people on each side, one with the back to the right wall. The wall opposite the door, behind the table, she had tucked a small chest that held her tea supplies. The hot plate already had a steaming pot on it. Behind the honored seat hung a scroll. In beautiful kanji it read, "Trust in yourself." The first thing that greeted Subaru as he entered was Dr. Ishida's ikebana arrangement. The table stood opposite the door in the far left corner, just to the left of the windows. The sight of her skill never failed to amaze him. Effeminate, yet strong, graceful, and honest, it brought tears to his eyes today.

His hand hovered over the Man's blossom and drifted halfway up Heaven's stem. "This looks divinely inspired," Subaru whispered.

"Perhaps is was," Dr. Ishida bowed, "my skill is so small." A smiled stayed on her lips. They admired the arrangement in silence for another few minutes.

She touched Subaru's arm indicating he take off his coat. He draped it over the couch and sat in the position opposite the scroll, the seat closer to the door.

"Please, Sumeragi-san, you are my guest." She motioned to the honored seat.

Shaking his head he bowed, forehead almost to the ground. "I am too deeply indebted to your kindness."

"Not at all," she replied automatically. Knowing she'd been out-maneuvered, she went to her tea pot. If it would let Subaru talk easier, she would sit in the wrong place. Dr. Ishida poured him a steaming cup of tea. Her set of cups were green and pink with the good luck kanji painted in gold on the front. Subaru enjoyed going through this ritual every time they met. It made them both feel less homesick.

It had been extremely important for Subaru to find a Japanese counselor. America and Americans did not have destiny, they did not understand obligation, not as a way of life. Subaru could not simply 'get over' what had happened and be carefree now that he had left Japan and its culture. He had outlived his destiny, his purpose, his obligation. Everything in his life had been training for that moment, that fight. How could someone beside another Japanese understand what is was like to overstep one's own fate? After destiny …what was there?

"You were smiling when you came in," Dr. Ishida's voice brought him out of his reverie. "Forgive my rudeness, but did something good happen?"

"Yes." He told her how he meet Hige. How the stars had sang for the first time since Kamui had won. How the impact of the boy did not make him fall, but the force of their connection had knocked him from his feet. Even without the connection, he couldn't let the boy stay on the street. He was too cute to ignore. Dr. Ishida laughed appropriately when Subaru told her how the boy had eaten his salad and that he shook everyone's hand, proud to be called Whiskers. When he retold Conrad's meeting with Hige, even he had to smile at the child's innocence. Out of all things to not know when the boy knew so much already, he shook his head.

"Where is he now?"

"He is home with C-Conrad-san." He blushed.

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrows. "Is there something else?"

A lot of something else. Subaru swallowed nervously. He took a sip of tea, hoping to regain his composure. "What should I do, Ishida-sensei?" He stared into the green water.

"About what?" She asked softly.

It took two tries to say, "Conrad-san."

"A person you like?"

Subaru opened his mouth but nothing came out.

"A person you don't like?"

Again he tried to speak but could not.

Dr. Ishida smiled gently at him. "That's okay." She reached across the table to take his hand.

Overcome by panic, he shook under her touch. He held onto her as an anchor, unable to stop. His breath came in ragged grasps, but he managed not to cry. For several minutes the two did nothing but wait for the episode to pass. When it subsided Dr. Ishida set aside both cups and took his hands.

"Sumeragi-san," she smiled, "I'm very happy with how much progress you've made."

"Progress?" He whispered, confused.

"When you first came here, you had been completely closed off… you moved like a doll." With one finger she brushed his bangs from his eyes. "But now…" her smiled returned.

"I feel."

The doctor nodded. "Feel. Live with feeling. Please don't suppress them. I know at first you will be overwhelmed like just now," she squeezed his hand, "but don't give up. Keep trying. I know you can do it."

I died that day. "You have too much faith in me."

"You have too little. Your body is trying to tell you something, Sumeragi-san." She put his right hand over his heart. "You listen to it while I refresh our tea."

Listen…?

He could feel Dr. Ishida's attention withdraw, leaving him to contemplate. Listening to what my body is saying. What is it trying to tell me? He closed his eyes and breathed.

Listen.

Subaru stilled and emptied his mind. He followed the motion of breath through his chest. The rise and fall in time with his heart beating under his hand. He could feel it.

Doki. Doki. Doki.

Doki. Doki. Doki.

Still beating. Still alive.

Alive.

Could it be…?

How simple. He could have laughed. My body is trying to wake up my mind. I'm still here. I'm still here. I can't quit on me yet.

But for what am I still here?

Subaru turned to study Dr. Ishida's arrangement. Divinely inspired? I am stuck between Heaven and Earth. He nearly smiled. But I am here.

"What do I do?" Here, free of obligation …what do I do? His wide eyes met Dr. Ishida's smiling brown eyes.

"If I could suggest…" she slid his full cup in front of him. "Without seeming presumptuous… Be selfish."

"I couldn't do such a thing…" He objected automatically.

She laughed. "I encourage you, please, take care of yourself."

Subaru nodded, taking a sip of his tea. They sat in companionable silence until someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." Dr. Ishida called, rising.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," the secretary put her head in. Beryl's red hair cascaded over her shoulder. "But I don't want you to miss lunch again."

"Eh?" The doctor looked at her watch. "Is it half past noon already?"

"A quarter to one, ma'am." She waved to Subaru and left.

"Ah, please forgive me," Subaru bowed slightly.

"It's fine.." She waved it off. "I wish we could have discussed your friend too, but we've done enough for today. You did well, Sumeragi-san."

"Not at all—"

She stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "None of that. You are doing better. You have done well today. Please keep listening to yourself. And please, bring picture of Hige-kun next time? I would like to see him."

"I'm afraid he's ill, they wouldn't be good pictures of him…"

"When he's feeling better." A faint blush stained her cheeks. "I know I'm imposing terribly…"

"When he's feeling better…" promised Subaru.

"Take care of yourself."

"Thank you for today."

"Will I see you in two weeks?"

"Yes."

They bowed to each other several times. Subaru confirmed his appointment with Beryl. He took the opportunity to ask her if she knew where he could purchase children's clothing. She had picture of four children on her desk, none with red hair. Two with blond hair, one with white-blond hair, and another with brown. Perhaps they all took after their father. With a broad smile she gave him directions to the nearest shopping center. She even drew a small map.

She said it was on the fifth floor… Subaru took the escalators up, still elated from his session with Dr. Ishida.

Still alive.

Still alive, wake up and live.

He reached the fifth floor. It had been divided into three sections, boys clothing, girls clothing, and toys. He made his way down the aisles listening half-heartedly to the pop music playing over the speakers. Near the front of the store lurked several women with baby carriages. Subaru steered clear of them and their gossipy voices. The boy's corner had been designed for the children to shop in; the racks were very low so the children to pick and choose. Each rack only ever went as high as his waist.

Everything is so little… He picked up one shirt. It was nearly a fourth the size of his chest.

"Can I help you, sir?" A store clerk's voice made him jump.

"Eh?" He turned to see a blonde girl with tanned skin and sparkling blue eyes. Her tag read "Mihoshi." Sea of stars? Subaru wondered. How pretty. She was dressed in all black like the other store clerks. That seemed to be the uniform dress code in New York, everything had to be black.

"Sir?"

"Yes, please." He realized how little he knew about buying children's clothes. He wondered what size Hige was, what the boy's favorite color was. "I need to purchase a new wardrobe for a boy, but I do not know what size to buy him."

"Hmm…" Mihoshi rocked on her heels. "That could be troublesome. However, if something doesn't fit him, you can return it so long as the tags are still on. How old is the boy?"

"Hige-kun is six, maybe seven." Subaru gestured the boy's height. He only came up to mid-thigh. "He's just tiny."

Mihoshi giggled. "Kids generally are. But they grow. If he's six, he's too big for toddler's clothing, we should leave this section. If you end up buying something that's too big, it should be fine. Blink," she snapped her fingers, "and he'll grow into it, that's what my mother always says about me and my little brother."

Subaru let her talk. It was true, though. His grandmother had said the same thing of his sister and him. All they did was grow.

"So!" The clerk clapped her hands. "Let's get started." She left Subaru by the register's counter and swept through the department. Grabbing different pairs of pants and shirts she laid out outfits for Subaru's approval.

"Nothing white," he told her, handing back a shirt. "He likes color."

"Roger that." She disappeared only to return with several solid color polo shirts and striped tees. "What color is his hair? Eyes? Skin?"

"Brown, brown, and pale… but he's sick right now."

Mihoshi shook her head. "No, I mean does he have olive skin? Asian? Caucasian? Hispanic?"

"Oh." Subaru thought about Hige for a moment. "Caucasian," he decided.

"Okay." She put back two orange shirts. Mihoshi returned and arranged the clothes into different outfits. "How to you think these will look on him?"

"Good," he fingered the edges of the shirt. Brushing along the pant leg, "I don't know if these will be big enough for him, though."

"No problem." She came back with a larger size and two belts. "There we go."

He nodded. "Now, do you have anything to keep him warm? Sweaters or sweatshirts?" He thought about it a moment. "Socks and underwear and he should be set, I think."

"Don't forget pajamas." She chimed.

"Yes."

The register was located near the boys' sleepwear. Subaru looked through the racks of styles and collected five different two-piece sets. The boy was sick, he'd be stuck in pajamas for a while. The blue and grey camouflage set would probably be Hige's favorite. Subaru had picked out a racecar print, a sailboat print, one with little robots, and the last with dinosaurs. All little boys liked dinosaurs, right? He made sure to find a slightly larger size than needed. Subaru returned to the register with the clothing. He looked at the growing pile. He had never had anything like this when he was a boy. Maybe Hige would want something simple instead? Perhaps he should have brought Conrad; he had a more normal life than Subaru. Conrad had brought Hige toy cars, Subaru would never have thought to. He added the pajamas to the pile.

"Oh, beat me to the punch." Mihoshi greeted him with an armload of sweaters and sweatshirts.

"I feel bad, making you to all of the work. He's my son…" Subaru smiled at the thought just a bit.

"And you don't know what size he is?" She eyed him suspiciously.

"I just got him yesterday." Subaru protested.

Her eyes lit up. "You're adopting him?"

"Yes." He was surprised with how solid and sure his voice came out. He's been neglected, but… "I have him now. He deserves a real home." He said more to himself than to Mihoshi.

She gave him a watery smile. "Hence the new wardrobe." She laid a comforting hand on his arm.

Subaru only nodded. Hige had to have new clothing. He couldn't let the boy stay in his clothes; they swam on his tiny body. He certainly couldn't give the boy back the clothing he had been wearing. Those had been wrecked. Nothing Subaru did to them could get out all the blood and grim. Even the tags had been unreadable. In the end, Subaru threw them out, everything but the sneakers went in the garbage. Come to think of it, Hige would need a new pair of those too.

"What do you think of these?" She laid the sweaters and sweatshirts out. Together they picked two of each to go with Hige's new outfits. With that done, only two things remained to be bought for Hige. Mihoshi suggested that he buy three different sizes of underwear and to return them if they were too small. That left socks. He picked two packages. One with black, white, gray, and blue socks in it and the other with brown, green, and red in it. Subaru patted the pile, satisfied with the amount of clothing Hige would be starting with. Seven outfits seemed like a good start.

"I should find something else for him to do at home while he recovers." He looked toward the toy section. Something they could do together…

"I'll find you a cart." Mihoshi perked up and ran off for a minute. When she returned she placed a hold tag on the pile of clothes. "We'll leave this here with a tag so no one puts it back on us. Please tell me you didn't take the subway here."

"Oh, no. I have a car."

"Whew. Good, because this is going to be heavy." She waved him to the toy section.

Subaru wandered down the aisle for toddlers' toys. He avoided anything electronic, haunted by Satsuki's heartless obsession. No computers. No video games.

_Why is it wrong to kill human beings?_

Because we are precious. Subaru fell against the shelving unit, holding his head.

_Why is it wrong to kill human beings?_

Because each soul is precious.

Subaru couldn't breathe in air fast enough. He held onto the shelf, shaking.

Yuzuriha-san…

"Sir?"

It took a moment for Subaru to regain control of himself. "Yes?"

"Are you alright?" Mihoshi took his arm.

"Yes, I'm fine." He took a deep breath and steadied himself between the shelf and the cart.

"You look pale," she sounded worried. "Would you like to sit down?"

He smiled softly at her. "Thank you for your kindness, but please do not worry about me." The shaking finally subsided. "I'm fine."

Still alive.

"I'm afraid I'm going to need more of your help. I do not know American toys." He said to distract her.

"Sure thing! My younger brother is older than your son, but not by a lot." She chirped and tugged him down the aisle.

"Just… no weapons and no video games." He instructed.

"Roger that!"

"And something that can be done in a group, two or three people."

They made their first stop at the games section. Mihoshi pointed out several games her little brother Tenchi had loved. Mousetrap and Battleship were on the top of the list. Uno and Trouble followed. Subaru added Memory to the cart as well and they continued on. At one end cap Mihoshi grabbed a small boxed item and put it in saying, "Everyone needs a slinky." The next aisle had action figures.

"Oh… G. I. Joes and Ninja Turtles…" Mihoshi pointed to several figures. "They are really popular. They each have a television show. Transformers were really big too, the movie, though… Tenchi had cried at the movie."

Subaru couldn't believe it. "Cried? Why?"

She gave him a forlorn look. "They killed Optimus Prime. Tenchi was crushed." She sighed, brushing her fingers over an image. "But it's not all that bad. They are robots that change into cars that save the world. Boys love cars and moving parts."

Subaru considered the box and the age warning. It should be alright, if he kept Hige away from this movie, but… "I think I should wait, let him pick out things he likes."

"Sure," she didn't seem to mind at all.

"Perhaps… some books?" He asked. The only thing Subaru remembered doing as a child was study, practice, and pray.

"Roger that!" Mihoshi lead him to another aisle. "What's his reading level?"

"Reading level?"

"Yes. I know he's young, but some kids take to reading, other couldn't care less."

Hige hadn't known how to tie his shoes, could the boy read? "Something simple, I think…"

"The Clifford series is always a big favorite. Dr. Seuss and Richard Scary are also good places to start." She gestured to two units.

"Clifford the Big Red Dog…" Subaru read, lifting one thin, soft cover book out of its slot. Everyone likes dogs, he thought. He took several titles out, searching for the first in the series. There seemed to be a number of titles about sharing, making friends with different people, and kindness. He placed a dozen in the cart.

Dr. Seuss wrote irrational rhyming stories. He picked several and added those to the cart as well. The Richard Scary books seemed the most like a learning tool. There was very little story but every thing in the book had it's name written underneath it. If Hige couldn't read than these would be the most beneficial. He put one of each in.

A book of fairy tales caught his eye. He held it up to Mihoshi, "Do you think he'd like…?"

"Oh! Knights and dragons and adventure! That's the stuff little boys are made of." She winked. "Makes for good bed-time reading." She pointed out several other book for bed-time stories. "My brother loved Mike Mulligan and the Golden Book series… The Pokey Little Puppy, The Three Kittens that Lost Their Mittens…"

Mike Mulligan was a story about a steam back-ho that became a pillar for the building he had been helping build.

Devotion… Subaru nodded and added it to his pile. The Golden Books were lesson books on respect and looking after your own things. He added those to his cart as well. "Do you think… that he's too old for a stuffed animal?"

She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, "My brother slept with his teddy bear until he was nine."

"Then I guess we should find one for Hige-kun."

She nodded and pulled him to the land of stuff animals. "Something more masculine, though…" She walked right passed the pink unicorns and purple teddy bears with tiaras. "What about these?" She pointed to a shelf full of alligators, sharks, and lions.

"Hmm…" Subaru wandered forth.

"A noble steed?" She held up a white horse.

Or a dragon… He reached up and took a green dragon off the shelf. Dragons are good luck.

"Oh, Puff the Magic Dragon," she squealed. "Everyone loves him."

Subaru smiled at the friendly face and stroked his iridescent wings. Of course. He added it to the cart.

"Um… sir?" Mihoshi scratched her temple. "This stuff is going to cost a great deal of money. Are you sure you want to spoil him so much?"

Spoil? Subaru studied the now full cart. It didn't seem like spoiling him, the boy had nothing. But Hige would be very worried about what his payment would be for receiving all these things. Perhaps I should give him only one or two things at a time? He chewed his bottom lip. Payment… payment… Reading to me? Or doing the dishes? Or learning? If he wasn't so conscious of receiving something for nothing… When I received something as a child I gave my Grandmother a hug and a kiss. It wasn't until much later that the idea of paying her back came to mind. She gave me things out of love, how do I reverse his understanding? How do I teach him the easy lesson now that he already knows the hard one?

Sighing, he said, "You're right. Anything more would spoil him. You've been a great help, Mihoshi. Thank you for all your hard work."

"It was my pleasure," answered the clerk. "Please come back and let me know how you and your son are doing."

"When Hige-kun is well."

"Yes!" She smiled brilliantly. "I would like to meet him."

They walked to the check out where she had left the clothing. It took Subaru a moment to remember that total was in dollars not yen. Everything was indeed that expensive. It took two carts and Mihoshi to get everything to the car. Again he thanked her for her help. Embarrassed, she shook her head explaining she was just doing her job.

On the way back to the apartment Subaru debated on calling Dr. Ishida. She wasn't a child psychologist, but maybe she could shed some insight or have an idea on what to do for payment, but then Subaru arrived at the apartment building. He decided to just ask Conrad. He left the toys in the car. For now Conrad had bought enough to keep him busy for today.

A bag of clothing in each hand, he took the elevator up. Conrad had left the door open for him. All was quiet. The kitchen and living room were empty. The bags had disappeared and the toys laid open upon the coffee table. The painting supplies were on the kitchen table, untouched. The movies were also unopened, stacked on the side table.

Subaru dropped the bags of clothing on the easy chair. He emptied his pockets onto the table and hung his coat. He noticed that there were no dishes in the sink. The entire place still looked very clean.

Finally opening the bedroom door he found them curled up in bed. The newspaper had been scattered all around the floor. Hige had his head in Conrad's lap, the man stroked his hair. Conrad read the newspaper to him softly, "…unexpected delight in a witty style not unlike Tennessee Williams…, oh, welcome back, Subaru-san." Conrad smiled.

"Hiya…" came the sleepy greeting from Hige.

"I'm home." He answered them.

The End

A/N: Doki is the Japanese onomatopoeia for a beating heart, being Japanese Subaru would hear 'doki doki' instead of 'tha-thump'. About the conversation Hikari Ishida (she married Yamato Ishida) and Subaru had, I tried to keep them as Japanese as possible with their modesty and always dressing themselves down to people outside their group (ie. family and friends and co-workers are in-group members). So if it seems like Subaru denies what Dr. Ishida says to him, he's just being polite. It's understood that he agrees, but for the sake of modesty many of his answers are automatic denials, "oh, I've done no such thing/could do no such thing/that's not true ." In Japanese it's an all-purpose phrase, "Sonna koto dewa arimasen."


End file.
